Symptoms of divorce-related depression can include any, or a combination of, the following: Sudden loss of interest in things you once enjoyed Loss of appetite Increase in appetite Weight loss or gain Difficulty sleeping Excessive irritability Rage Sudden insomnia Increased fatigue Difficulty focusing or concentrating Difficulty making decisions The day before what would have been our 40th wedding anniversary he sent me an apology for the way he treated me, and brought up the anniversary I cannot think why as he was married to her, so why mention it. Ive been alone for over 12 years, the pain has definitely lessened, but there are times it still hurts & always will. Oh, theres likely nothing so special about my story except perhaps how long it raged. Anger: Everything about your ex makes you angry. But we weathered storms, my children are now young men, and they will find their own way as we all must, with time. The more time that passes, the more reminders and suggestions you will need to deal with the aftermath of . I feel so sad for anyone in this position, and hope they get some relief in their situation. Oh well. It becomes manageable, but thats about it. Divorce was 5 years ago. My goals and dreams have suffered. I am in a much better place than I was 10 year ago but lately I have been profoundly sad but I now understand that the grief never really leaves us, it sits on our shoulder as a reminder of what could have been. Some of the common signs of depression are mentioned in an article by psy.com. Not feeling your feelings. This so much speaks to me . But growing up an orphan and homeless, I have always wanted to create a nuclear family. ", I have moved on and with a new partner. A divorce hangover is an ongoing connection with your ex-spouse or former life that keeps you agitated or depressed, unhappy, and stuck in the past. Your ex will find his happy life isnt all he thought it would be.mine surely didnt, but hes stuck with it now. I identified with your feelings of sadness many years after divorce. 10 years is more than enough my dear. This is a very good article. But the pain lingers under the surface always. Clinging to the word of God is what is helping me go through all the pain and hurt. Can you be completely happy after divorce? No tool and not even with time repairs. Somehow, I have ended up the bad-guy. But love, sadly, is not always enough when it comes to marriage, and we deal with it in the best way possible. All you have to do is Be Still and trust in God, He will take care of the rest. Add in a young child, and the other spouse refusing to work on things, rather, cut bait and get out immediately with no reason. I am an optimist and hope and pray that eventually for the sake of our children and special occasions are the hardest. By this time you will have known the extent that you contributed towards ending your previous marriage and see the solution to avoid any more hurts in a second marriage. All we can do, those who still grieve, is to carry on, realise that we are not weird or silly for not getting over it, and that there are wonderful moments and times that we can enjoy. I do not miss him, nor do I want him back, I feel like I served my time so to speak after 15 1/2 years of marriage. God sees our pain, our tears. You will have limited time to think about your past relationship, and you will overcome. Yeah.). We met my freshman year of college and I truely feel that he shaped who I am today in the most positive way anyone ever could and then I left him. This will ensure that during the day, you are fully engaged at work and in the evening, you are in class. Six years later I still grieve how my family was split up. I am deeply saddened reading the pain others feel and the hurt by being on the receiving end of divorce. Add message Save Share Report Bookmark Other people here have shown me that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel, and I cannot thank you all enough for that. Within the last year, I ended my 20-year marriage after slowly coming to the realization that it was a codependent relationship. Dont let years and years pass by and cling to the pain, hurt, and resentment. Emotional Symptoms of Divorce. He took the get out of parenting free card. She is very busy socially and at work. I was married for nearly 40 years and I have known him for 50 years. Also missing were 3 life policies with cash surrender values and 2 annuities. I accept it. I cannot seem to get a hold of myself. The article has been made in association with DivorceFiller the service for preparing divorce papers online. Wishing you all the best I never realized you could love to much. After a breakup, I like most people, feel like a shell of a woman, with no hope for a better future. He and the new wife (yes I still call her that) have been married the same amount of time we were. Not seen your child daily, especially when child is still very young, is excruciating. I will never trust again or be intimate with another man. It sort of put me in a bad spot, because I have no family of my own, so her family was my family. "@type": "Answer", I love my daughter dearly and wouldnt want it any other way. College, med school, residency and air force payback and then he left us, filed while he was in another country. Thank you for this - sadly after 20 years and 2 young kids we split 3.5 years ago. Gradually, your feelings on loss will start to be replaced by new things to do, new people to meet and new places to go. And after all, since my boys are no longer children, these days its at those events that I am most likely to be interacting with my sons at the holidays, a graduation, some other special celebration. I live my life, then something triggers the pain all over again, even a simple thing like a beautiful sunset: why isnt he here to share this? Its like a phantom limb. I have spoken to a lawyer and have all the supporting information. Do things you wish you would have done and still can do. When people live together as a husband and wife, they love each other and treasure each moment that they spend. New hopes, dreams, and opportunities arent going to come to you if you arent emotionally free and receptive. Median duration of second marriages: Males: 7.3 years Females: 6.8 years. I too get sad in these all too often moments Then I feel the empty space profoundly not for a man I do not miss but where a family history of four ought to be. Our youngest daughters future events such as marriage, graduations, etc., that we now have to be a part of as separate families, instead of being proud together and sharing that moment with each other, Im sitting alone glaring at my ex, reliving the whole scene of him walking out on me with a younger model going on vacations and living it up while I am barely getting 3 hours sleep a night. It is more than enough! I was married for 42 years when suddenly, without warning, a knock at the door, and a sheriff with divorce papers. My father died two weeks before she left . I am not ready for such a step, nor do I believe I ever will be. What makes a luxury lake home design special, Learn About the Very Wild and Interesting Psychedelic Era. I am coming to terms with that but its hard. He aluded to not being happy This is not the life I wanted etc. Good article and I will add to it. Thank you for letting us with the dead dreams know were not alone on the days its sharp. "The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside." - Sam Vaknin. I wish I could tell people it gets better but it does not when you miss the love of your life. Will this date ever come without me noticing? I struggle through. Coparenting is difficult. I pray daily for all those who have been broken by betrayal and abandonment. I cannot deny that when I hear echoes of family jokes that trace back to my childrens early childhood, I flash immediately to other days. Im just so broken. I am finding it impossible to truly heal from the breakdown of my marriage and family. Its possible for your divorce to haunt you even after years as you struggle emotionally over how your marriage ended, how easily your spouse moved on, and how hard it is to negotiate the ebbs and flows of life. Meaning, if I could find someone to date, I would be all for it, but since I can'twell then, I say I just don't want to date. Hang on there, you are so precious to God, and there is not one moment whatsoever that He has not been by your side, He will carry you thru this. Which means that by cutting her out, I cut them out, which leaves me alone. I have truly tried to find out who I am. This will only relieve the pain for one day and stall the healing process. Every former boyfriend has told me I am still in love with him. A ten-year marriage is also considered to be a long-term marriage by the Social Security Administration. Ray J and Princess Love are giving their marriage another shot. you deserve to be happy and to have a fulfilling relationship. Maybe its her you shouldnt trust and other women, those whove not hurt you, you should give a chance. It leaves a mark,my divorce will always be a sad event in my life like other sad things.I choose to see how I have survived and thrived and I look at my kids now 9 and 10 and think' I did that'.I am proud ,a liitle battered and bruised by the journey but proud nonetheless. I feel very lost again. My children are grown and many milestones are coming up. At these events, we were supposed to be celebrating together as a couple, as a family, as one. We are none of us any one thing. But you have to stop punishing yourself and adding to the belief that you lost your one and only chance for true love. Ive got friends I hardly hear from anymore. We are expected to be resilient after a major loss or major life event such as divorce. That morning somehow felt like a pivotal moment in my life. This is an excellent explaination of how divorce has affected me. I would have gone to any length to keep my family together. 3-5 years. I just do not what I am frightened of. It's been 2.5 years since my divorce and I am in a new relationship but I am still sad that I got divorced. I still wonder why he left, although the reality was that he lived a double life with me! She left because she no longer wanted marriage and to go down the path we were heading e.g. And apparently, my sadness lingers at moments. I will never finally get over it I suppose. but I met her when I was 20 and she was 17 . The deep pain of losing a relationship is based on the belief that your peace and your joy lies within the other person, and without them, you have no access to these feelings. Add in a young child, and the other spouse refusing to work on things, rather, cut bait and get out immediately with no reason. I used to pray (if you can consider chain smoking outside your apt. I thought I was the only person who had these feelings as other people seem to move on so quickly. I have not been able to get over my pre-divorce delusion that our marriage was solid, and that he loved me deeply. I wasnt perfect, but many people still scratch head wondering why all of this. I wished I had not been so trusting and in love 21 years ago. 1. Divorce happened the year after I had retired. Make a bucket list of places and things you want to do and see. Especially finding out about the other persons affair 2 years later and how it was happening for much longer. And regardless of its source, shouldnt we be allowed to acknowledge it when it returns, free to express our feelings openly? Friendship is not what I want at all. And yes, so much collateral damage. "I think we are done", he says. Mental health experts agree that divorce is comparable to the loss of a loved one, which makes sense given that you're suffering the loss of a marriage and all that goes with it. There are several factors that may contribute to the sadness that is coming up for you post-divorce, including how tied your identity is to your ex-partner and whether you've allowed yourself to fully grieve. I am with a wonderful man now and I am happy, and still sad too. I have not dated anybody because Im still in the process of healing and I know it would not be wise doing so until I am ready to turn the page over completely. Divorce is hard on everyone. And heres an irony out of the blue, I checked an email account that I only check maybe 2X a year and my ex had emailed me I have not heard anything from him in over 10 years, I lived in the same city as him for 16 years and now? The descriptors are poignant and cathartic to say the least. But this article said exactly the things that others cannot understand unless theyve experienced it. Ive remarried,but the grass is not greener over here.How I wish I could turn back time. I will say this never again will I give any women a chance to hurt me . Good behavior towards your ex will help you overcome the heartbroken experience that you have had all along for a long time. house, kids, American Dream. Marriages are meant to be enjoyed, not endured. At times one may not be the person who was intending to break the marriage, and if it came from your partner, then it becomes tough to overcome the grief, are you still in pain 10 years later? The grief of your family broken or split is for sure the hardest thing to get over It is nice to know there are others out there besides me. I can relate a lot with you. I still cry daily for my marriage but also as a single parent of an autistic son and tween girl life is tough.