Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? I go on a vacation with my sisters, or go to my cousins house in PA. We enjoy the time apart. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. Hes disabled, finds it extremely difficult to cook for himself, and suffers from anxiety, and he doesnt like me going on business trips. I agree that the OP should not even consider not going on the trip. Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. I bought a single-serve bottle of wine in the hotel convenience store and enjoyed it in my room. Today, we can take a million pictures to find the right one, but in the Groovy era you had one chance to get the perfect shot. And in 2 days Im heading east solo for a wedding. My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. Menu. Charleston. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. Anywhere in the USA or abroad. I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. Thank you for sharing your story withus this iswhat weve come upwith: How would you react ifyou were inMayas shoes? Period. or even where to eat dinner. Frankly, what worked for me was meeting the team my wife was working with. Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. update: how can I turn down training requests from my clients? A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. The timelines even fit perfectly. And she would always schedule conferences for her small business in Vegas, for the exact reasons you listed. Which update is that? I trust my wife but I dont trust a lot of strange people. I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. It can be challenging to know when to kind of cater to her anxiety (she is able to relax much better if I check the door locks before bed than if she does it, so I do it but never more than once a night), and when to decide that her worry about a particular issue has passed the point where I can be supportive and is just on her to manage (I refuse to provide reassurance for a 7th round of what if this offhand comment I made at work was overheard by the wrong person and totally misinterpreted and I get fired and then I cant find another job and then we lose the house?). Please be safe, and let us know what happens. I know that many conferences are held there, and wouldnt bat an eye at my fiancee going there without me. Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. You dont deserve to be treated that way. I took a look at the menu for Gordon Ramsays burger place and almost stroked out. But the effect of his behavior on her is a them issue. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. I think thats reasonable. My husband still asks sometimes if hes allowed to go do things, like go to the pub with his friends without me, and it irks me because even though I know hes joking I dont like that he even pretends that I am a stereotypical ball and chain. At work? If I genuinely believed he was in danger, this would be insulting beyond words. (Ive been to LV exactly once, for work. While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. I had to speak on a panel one afternoon and give a presentation the next morning, but the conference I spoke at was not for my industry so I had no connections or contacts there. Even if you dont get fired or demoted, youre showing that you arent reliable to do normal business things, and youre missing out on opportunities to grow your career and to network etc. All rights reserved. Companies dont plan things in Vegas to put their employees at risk. seem much more based on portrayals in television/movies rather than reality. I also suggest that he seeks out personal therapy. I went to Vegas for several scientific conferences back in the day, and I thought it was a weird idea until the first time I actually went. I trust that the letter writer would be able to better identify whether or not thats the case here, and trust shell be able to address it appropriately with a skilled counselor. I agree with the counseling suggestion. Yup, agreed. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). Sounds great. Other than me being bored out of my skull, nothing happened! how do you handle being pregnant at work? Many manage to avoid devil-worshipping sex orgy kidnapping extravaganzas for almost the entire year. (Im also not sure you can un-yoke controlling from its pejorative overtones, given that most of us have plenty of things wed require partners not do and we dont call ourselves controllingits always something somebody else does.). They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. My grandmother pays for the trip. But I am going to totally disagree with you that its not a relationship problem. If your classes are in the evening then change your major. mmmmmmm..yeah. And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. It is ideally set up to host conferences. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) You cant leave the house, there are kidnappers everywhere! I wonder if he needs help with general anxiety rather than marriage counselling. I second counseling. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. ), so Ive seen it a lot. But yeah, even then Im thinking more one-off or emergency situations at home, not I dont like that city!. Youre the breadwinner? At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. either. Also by facing the problem together wife will know what steps he need she to do to get better on this/call him out if he isnt doing it. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. An emotionally distant husband may often seem indifferent or indecisive about decisions: Vacation destinations. Im also a Chicagoan with an irrational former fiance. He thinks it's going to be too difficult. She has mentioned it makes her sad, but she takes the obey part of her vows very seriously. Street photography! So anything that could be perceived poorly at their church is not allowed. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! The OP should do both. I dont know, maybe other people are able to work through this kind of thing, but I couldnt. What the hell kind of business is even done in Vegas! It may not necessarily be abusive, but it is controlling it doesnt get a pass just because other people would do it. Make sure that appointment is booked. Theres a limit to how much they can make if they limit themselves to those who want risqu and sleavy. But thats true everywhere, and you can easily avoid said trouble by, you know, not doing something stupid. Yup. In summer it doesnt really get properly dark at all, and not until after midnight. If he gets therapy and can get his anxiety and toxic masculinity under control, that would be one thing. The reason companies go there is because theres big convention centers and lots of cheap flights. If I had succeeded in keeping my mom from ever leaving the house, I would have started obsessing about the iron falling off the board and burning the house down, or everything flooding, or, or, or. This is a great comment. If you do this, he will *hate* it; I did, and so did my Mother, when I started doing this. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. One of my favorite business trips was a 3-day solo trip to Vegas. Why? Where is he staying. I mean There isnta rash of kidnappings in Las Vegas, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas is an advertising slogan forcollege students and weddingparties, not a warning to spousesof business travelers. *thumbs up, fistbump, etc*, This comment got away from me a bit, Im sorry for that. I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. By letting him come chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with work colleagues, with single men, etc. Your husband seems to think he has a say in whether he lets you go. Should I take him into account? Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. (Somehow I did survive!). That actually happened to my parents! If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. Im flummoxed that a whole group of people would respond this way to a very normal thing like a business trip, particularly when presented with the reasoning OP outlined in the letter. So I understand, at some level, where the husband is coming from when he thinks about these horrible things happening to his spouse. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. Its a him issue. Its OK to not be 100% available to handle his feelings 100% of the time! He is not being reasonable or rational, so dont even try to engage with him as if he is. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Good for you,OP, for asking how to deal with a difficult situation. my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? This. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. My wife has said that the best way to think about it is that theres a problem with how I view things. And when she called home she was mean to me and I noticed she fixed her hair differently and she looked very happy. Congratulations! They have PUDDING, OP. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! Its been 12 years for me. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. Just my two cents. A 14 hour road trip is long enough, but it's going to be way longer than that with a 3 month old. Havent read the comments to see if this is talked about yet, but I feel like religion has a play here I can see uber conservative religions having more problems with this situation than anything else. We arent gamblers either. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. He cant expect his partner to sacrifice herself to the whims of his anxiety. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. Answer (1 of 25): There could be a few reasons why a husband may not want to go out with his wife. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. The follow up is what took it from possible anxiety issue on overdrive to controlling husband for me. Youve never met them, but that doesnt mean that they dont exist. Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. My husband knows I am a lone soul sometimes and love my exciting career. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. Significant others who mess with your career or education are bad news. Companies hold meetings in Vegas because its a popular corporate destination, not because theyre plotting to destroy employees marriages.). Tell him to get over himself. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. Youre an adult, OP! Youve gone before and nothing happened, so why is he still freaking out about it? OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. His friends live in DC so I'm considering seeing if we could drive there first and spend the night w them (about five hours from where we live). We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for the night along the way. If you stay around the main touristy areas especially on the Strip there is security EVERYWHERE. Hmm. pathfinder: wrath of the righteous ending slides. And, damn, every time I hear about kidnapping, it seems to be in Ohio or Mississippi, not places considered hotbeds of crime in US pop culture. 6. And actually, trips apart are GOOD for our relationship, we miss each other like crazy after the first two days and it strengthens our bonds (and snuggles) when were reunited. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. Its not like people are forced at gunpoint to have sex with a rando when they deplane at McCarran. I only think bad things with Vegas and wonder why its chosen for a business thing (LW never said conference, so I wonder if it was chosen for the fun too). If his anxiety is more travel related than trust related, there may besome reasonable actions you can take together to smooth them out. And theres more but I here these comments and the whole story wasnt told. My husband and I travel a lot for work- including to Vegas! Her explanation was that she knew that the sun set around 4:15ish at that time of year and it was dark outside, therefore I should be inside. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. Has it been made perfectly clear that this trip isnt a mini-vacay/reward on the companys dime, but is -in fact- a work trip where you will be doing work? Hes already proven himself to be irrational, I think his presence will not help LW even a little. Often to far away and less-than-ideal places, safety-wise, sometimes for 2+ weeks at a time, and pretty frequently alone. Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. I definitely recommend Captain Awkward too for assistancence (she, Allison, and Doctor Nerdlove need to be together one day). Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. Food! Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. I read books. So yeah somethings just not right. FYI: I mean crazy in a flippant sense not as an insult to any mental health issue. Agree that you should go to counseling by yourself if he wont go. If anything those are probably among the safer places in the country. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. Seriously. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? Or maybe its anxiety fueling a control issue, but I highly doubt that anxiety treatment will help. Because setting some reasonable limits is part of that. Your argument is based on extremes. Whenever we visit, we have to stay in their house, which is dirty and only has one working bathroom. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. If you on a long car ride or your baby simply just doesn't like a car seat you obviously aren't going to stop every 5 or 10 min to take baby out and soothe him so you do it in the car as long as someone else is driving. Is that an issue as well? Just recently I have found out I will be sent out again. I think youre right, but I think just as often people jump to an abuse/controlling scenario when it involves a relationship. Unless youre her son. Either hes being very careful who he asks so that hes only asking people who would agree with him, or hes converting noncommittal answers (e.g., Yeah, I can see that youre upset) into See? I can tell you thisd be a divorce-level issue if I did it with my wife. It is in some Nevada counties, but not Clark County (which includes Vegas.) It often goes along with a dose of jealousy, as most often, this is about a nice vacation Im going to take or some fun activity. I dont think that would help the situation, however. He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. We are often there and then take the metro across town to the apartment where we stay at midnight. I bet youll have fun. If we could afford flying we would have. I mean sure its possible hes found someone that shares his view, but I think its mostly him just hearing what he wants to hear. Im still trying to figure a way out of it, but I wish I hadnt given in to his demands in the first place. OP, I want to add a data point to counter his everyone agrees with me! comment. Shed never thought about it because shed only seen the Strip depictions. It is obvious that anyone who says that has never been here, because there arent even that many people who are obviously Muslims living here. I talked to a financial planner about my divorce before I decided to go through with it, and it turns out she and I married the same guy too! I have developed similar coping strategies and work very hard not to allow my brains bad wiring to negatively affect those that I love. Well, they need to work on their relationship. When I said but no one else called their boyfriends he then he shifted to well, if you want to have a relationship like THEIRS I think it doesnt take much poking at this topic to find out if your spouse is anxious or controlling. From so many comments above, what people are missing here is that none of us knows whether the LWs husband is an anxiety sufferer or a control freak. However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". Dont get hit by a car!! Youre five minutes late? Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? I have been to Vegas twice (both in the same calendar year), once with my wife when she was attending a conference (hobby, not work related) and the second time with my (at the time) elementary school aged daughter. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. There are times when I feel safer in Vegas than I do my own city. What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. It isnt like the reputation just happened by accident. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! How entitled can someone be to think that their ex has to justify wanting to break up and have a good cause? It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. OPs husband sounds like my mom. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out. If I got raped on travel, Id still be the same person when I came home; its an injury and itd make some things inconvenient, its unpleasant to think about, Id need to get STD tests before we were intimate again, and Id need some hugs from him once I got home, but getting raped is not the end of the world. Next, things you can do. Vegas and Orlando are excellent places for corporate retreats because theyre relatively cheap to fly to and theyre set up for this kind of thing. Because my husband trusts me. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. As to the question of WHY businesses have meetings in Las Vegas, its because the hospitality industry there gets it. It would never occur to him to equate a dang business conference held anywhere outside of a strip club with sexual abandon. If you can get that sort of perspective before the trip, that would be great. Im so sorry, Emma. The thing is, by continuing to comply with his increasingly erratic demands for check-ins, he came to expect them anytime he wanted them so if I went to a movie with friends and didnt tell him, Id come out to literally 30 texts wanting to know where I was. When you try to say you wont let me do something, that tells me that you think Im too incompetent to make an appropriate choice on my own, which is really disrespectful. She visited exactly once, got off in a suburb where the homes start at 300K and started screaming about getting shot at. Chances are the same thing would have happened in New York or San Francisco or wherever. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. A room like that in any other city would cost 3 or 4 times that. There is no one in his family who lives near us. Yall need some marriage counseling. Talk with your partner about why hedidnt invite you along onthe trip. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. I dont think thats something you really need to dive into OP (since thats not the real issue here), but I thought Id mention it to say that youre not the one thats offbase here. They live there with partners and children, even! We felt safe walking around at 2AM. My husband makes every work trip a miserable experience for me and is angry at me for days before and days after.
When Do Nba All Star Tickets Go On Sale 2022, Uber Freight Carrier Login, Who Is The Woman In The Wickes Advert 2020, Articles H